Teen Anger
What Can We Do About Feeling Angry?
When you are facing teen anger, it pays to think about your own experiences with anger.
You know what happens when you are angry.
Your heart starts to pound, you shake and start to sweat, your mind starts to race and you feel like you are going to lose control.
Angry people can yell, throw things around, criticize, crash about, be violent and dangerous or become very quiet, withdrawn and bitter.
Anger is often the way we express other strong emotions like hurt, fear, disappointment, worry, embarrassment or frustration.
It is a difficult emotion to master, but it is very important to not only learn to manage your own anger but to teach your children how to handle it, too.
Pretending it doesn’t happen or trying to suppress it is just counterproductive.
Anger management for teenagers begins with the understanding that:
- We are in charge of our emotions and actions.
- We decide how we will react to something.
Yes, a comment or action may cause anger or fear or sadness to flare up in an instant, but it is what happens in the next instant that we, and our teenagers, can control.
6 Ways to Manage Anger
These tips don't just apply to managing teen anger. They can be used by younger kids and adults too.
1. Breathe
Relaxation techniques aren’t just for stress.
They also help with anger management.
Slow your breathing down. Take long deep breaths and really focus on the feeling of the cooling air flowing into your lungs.
Relax your jaw and face muscles, then your hands and arms. Give your hands a shake and stretch your fingers wide.
2. Think About Something Else
Distract yourself for a while.
Counting to ten is an age old method that is proven to work. Play some calming music.
Turn your attention to a simple but useful activity like sweeping the floor or pulling up some weeds.
3. Pinpoint the Issue
Work out exactly what it is that has made you angry. Being clear can help to work out if it is even worth getting angry about. It’s better to tell your teen (or whoever) that you felt angry when they said or did something than to just fly off the handle.
Don’t take your anger out on innocent bystanders.
Are you angry with your teenager or is it really your hopeless football team?
Write a letter to yourself. Write about what has happened and how you feel about it.
It can help you to be objective and to work out why you feel angry. It can also help you to work out what to do about it.
4. Get Real
When we are angry it’s easy to blow situations out of perspective and add drama and emotion. Try to step back in your mind and be rational.
You might be thinking “That’s it, I’m finished, and everything’s a complete stuff up!”
Instead you could try “I’m frustrated, and it’s understandable that I find this upsetting but shouting at my kids isn’t going to help.”
5. Go for a walk
Sometimes it’s best to remove yourself from a situation.
It may be an argument, or it could be trying to program the video!
When you feel you are suddenly so angry you may lash out or break something, or if an argument is just getting too heated, then it’s time to stop and have some time out.
Make a time to talk again if necessary and while you are having your time out, calm down, then think about how you are going to talk calmly the discussion resumes.
6. Be Assertive
Assertiveness is not being bossy or a bully.
Being assertive means being clear about your expectations, what you need and want, and at the same time respecting the other person’s needs and wants and being willing to negotiate on them.
You can show respect by not using ‘never’ or ‘always’ comments, such as “You never listen to me!” and “You always make a mess!”
These sorts of comments are emotional rather than factual and just get everyone fired up.
A Final Word on Teen Anger
We all know that children love to copy their parents - the good things and the not-so-good. This doesn't stop when our children become teenagers.
In fact, in some ways it becomes even more important as our teens actively search out role models and mentors.
Helping teen anger starts at home. Learn to express your emotions in a healthy way, control your own anger, and you'll be helping your teen, too.
Related Topics:
Do you feel your relationship with your teen is becoming strained? Is there a gap between you that seems to widen every day?
What can you do about it?
Read more here...
Part of maintaining a good relationship with your teenager is being the type of parent that a teen feels comfortable talking to.
Do you think you are easy to talk to?
Read more here...
Return from Teen Anger to Parenting Teens
Return from Teen Anger to Better Living Ideas
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