Smacking Children

Does Spanking Children Teach Them Anything?

Smacking children means different things to different people.

If you occasionally give a short sharp slap to get you child’s attention when they are doing something dangerous or hurtful, then you probably aren’t doing your child any lasting harm.

If you have a belt or wooden spoon you use on your child, or if you slap them more than once in succession, you may want to think again.

The Argument to Smack or Not to Smack

It was once commonplace to use physical punishment as part of child discipline.

Primarily this meant using a hand or objects to smack, hit, beat, belt, whip, or thrash a child.

• Research says that children are generally so upset by being smacked that they don’t remember why it has happened. If they don’t learn from it then the chances are they will just do it again.
• Research also shows that parents admit to only doing it when they are angry, not calm and in control.
• Research shows that children become very good at hiding things from their parents in order to avoid a beating instead of learning not to do it at all.
• Some parents believe they will “spoil” their child if they do not use physical discipline, or that it is the only way to teach their child to respect them.
• Some parents say that their own parents smacked them and it did no harm.
• Some parents lose control and lash out without any real thought to what they are doing.

So does smacking children discipline the child or give the parent short term relief?

Some parents really don’t know what else to do.

Here is What Else You Can Do

• Foster a good relationship with your child.
• Teach and show what you want from your child and praise your child when they get it right.
• Avoid being a dictator using “No” and “Don’t” all the time. Try distracting your child or offer alternatives (for example, “take your ball outside to play with”).
• Let your child experience consequences for their behavior.
• Take notice of your child’s good behavior and ignore as much of the bad as is safe. A lot of minor bad behavior stops if no one reacts to it.
• Talk to your child respectfully, just as you expect to be spoken to.
• Go back and read the section on how to discipline a child for more ideas.

It’s up to you how you parent your children. Just take a moment to think about the good advice on alternatives to spanking children.

My Own Experience With Smacking Children

I've only slapped my daughter a few times in her life. Each time I was angrier than I should have been, and each time, while I felt a nano-second of relief, it did nothing to help my daughter to understand what I wanted from her.

In fact it started her on a habit of slapping me every time she felt upset. Took a while to set that one right.

I feel very strongly that adults should lead by example. You can't very well enforce a "no hitting" rule if you break it yourself on a regular basis.

This doesn't mean that your child is free to get away with anything. "Time out" and warnings work really well with my daughter so I use them instead.

Generally, I know that if I've reached the point where I'm on the verge of putting her across my knee, then it's time to really look at what is going on, and something has to change.

Maybe we both need "time out", or a change of scene. Sometimes, if I'm truthful, I find that the problem is me. I'm cross or tired and am "picking" on everything my daughter does. There's no way she can win in a situation like that.

I might be feeling overwhelmed by trying to cook dinner in a rush - time to switch to cheese on toast or something from the freezer.

I might be suffering from "Poor me, I have to do everything around here" syndrome - time to give myself a treat.

I might have been going flat out all day and my little girl is tired of being good for no attention - time to snap out of it. Will the house fall down if I don't fold the washing right now? Time to stop and sit and cuddle, read a book together or kick a ball around for a while.

I'm not perfect. I scream and yell, rant and rave. But I don't smack or belittle. If things are really horrible, then I just ride it out as best I can and try for a better day tomorrow.

With consistant care, the days do get better as your child gets older and more able to understand how to behave.

So what do I think about smacking children?

Don't set your relationship with your child back by smacking - communication not retaliation!

Return from Smacking Children to Child Discipline

Return Better Living Ideas