Parenting Teens – It Doesn’t Have to be a Battleground

Parenting teens is about enoying your relationship.

How you choose to approach parenting teens is always up to you and has to fit in with your own parenting style.

Take a look at some of the things that influence teen behavior so you can get the most out of these turbulent years.

The Concise Oxford Dictionary defines a teenager as “a person from 13 to 19 years of age”. It’s generally acknowledged these days that teen behavior starts younger and lasts longer. In fact, we could stretch the teen years from 10 to 22 without being too far out.

So what’s going on?

How to Talk to Your Teenager

Maybe the real point in talking to teenagers is how to listen. With our greater wisdom and experience it’s easy to jump in and give advice or a lecture. Communication between you and your teenager is of enormous importance; take the time to get it right.

Health and Eating

Enormous appetites, junk food, pimples, dieting, body image.

Teenagers and Sex

You may not want to talk about it. You may think it will just put ideas into their heads Parenting teens means taking topics like sex on board and being sensitive but frank about it

Teens and Drugs

Knowledge is power. It’s more complicated than just telling your kids to say “No!” to drugs. Talk about it, know about it and have your ground rules laid out.

Teens and Alcohol

Parenting teens starts with being a good role model. A major problem with teens and alcohol is that alcohol is often not seen as a drug. Learn some facts and get some advice here…

Teen Depression

It’s more common than you may think. Learn about what can bring it on, the different types of depression and possible treatment.

Teens and Money

Do you think it’s a good idea for your teenager to have a job? It’s a great way to learn about how to handle money and prepare for working as an adult.

Teen Rooms

So, your teenager has finally gotten tired of building blocks and teddy bears. Here’s some advice on how to avoid red and black walls and wall paper of posters.

Teen Parties

The days of fairy bread and jumping castles are behind you. Here are some tips an advice on how to have a safe but fun party for your teen.

The Facts on Parenting Teens

Your teenager is going through the most tumultuous time of their lives. They are in transition from children to adults. This in itself is demanding enough without the major physical and emotional changes that zoom through their bodies at the same time.

Some days (or moments) you will glimpse the adult your teenager may become; only to have this replaced in an instant by behavior that reminds you of their toddler days.

They are aching to launch themselves onto the Big Bad World and at the same time need to know they have the ‘safety net’ and support of home behind them.

• Work hard on keeping a good relationship with your teenager.
• Be involved in their lives.
• Listen to them.
• Show them you are on their side.

You may only get a grunt or shrug in return, but do it anyway.

This is the time when you really learn about unconditional love and being a parent to your teenager and not necessarily their best friend. This doesn’t mean you aren’t friendly with them, it just means that you will need to the adult setting and enforcing rules and boundaries, and making the unpopular decisions about safe behavior.

Teenage Brains

Perhaps it helps to know that teenager’s brains are still a work in progress and won’t be complete until their early twenties.

The effect this has on teen behavior is best described by psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg in his book “Surviving Adolescents”:

“…adults use the critical-thinking part of the brain to assess risk, teenagers considering risky behaviors (sex, drugs, driving cars, etc) use the more primitive, instinctual part of the brains (known as the amygdala). This is probably why young people so often get it wrong: on the one hand they lack experience and on the other their brain wiring is incomplete. This in turn is why we need to set limits and boundaries, especially when it comes to issues related to safety.”

What Can Parents Do?

Parenting teens through these years is all about:

making an effort to really listen
accepting your teen’s individuality
accepting that your teen will make mistakes

You will need to think about the family rules and what happens if they are broken. Involve your teenager in working this out. The types of things to agree on are:

mobile phones
computers and use of the internet
driving the family car
being in cars with others
going out

Don’t be afraid to say no to something you don’t agree with or doesn’t fit in with the agreed rules. It won’t make you popular, but you may find when parenting teens that nothing you do impresses.

Just to make this complicated, you must be aware that your teen will often have a different point of view to you so be prepared to listen. If they have a good point it’s no failure to change your mind or just agree to disagree. Everyone has a right to their opinion.

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