How to Discipline a Child

Let's Look at Ideas on How to Discipline a Child

There are times in our busy days when we can become frustrated or confused about how to discipline our children.

Children are hard wired to test that the boundaries we set are still there. It can be tiring to us as parents.

Here is some good advice collected on how to discipline children:

• Be very clear about the behavior you want from your child. Tell them want you want and what to do. For example “Slow down and walk in the house, Harry. Show me how you can walk, please.”
• The child discipline you choose will need to match your child’s age and ability to understand what you want. It will need to change as your child becomes older.

• Consequences should be kept until your child is old enough to understand why, say from about 4 years onwards, and then only applied for serious offences where a household rule has been broken or where behavior has been violent or damaging.
• Keep child discipline to the point, apply it immediately, and then move on. Once an incident is over, the mess cleaned up, time out finished, etc, you need to wipe the slate clean and continue with your day. If you keep bringing the incident up or allow yourself to be grumpy towards your child because of it, it can cause your child to “act out”. After all, what‘s the point in trying to be good if you get the same treatment as when you were bad?
• Keep your word. If you have decided to encourage your child to pick up their toys by threatening to throw everything in the bin if it isn’t tidied up and in the toy box in 5 minutes, and it isn’t, then you will have to throw the toys out. Make sure you choose these types of battles well and don’t threaten something you cannot or aren’t willing to do.
• Check your timing. If you call your child to dinner and he is watching the end of his favorite TV show. Stop a moment. How much longer has the show got to go until it ends? Did you warn him before is started that he wouldn’t be able to watch it all? Is it really worth having a fight over? If yes, act firmly. If no, then relax and slow down.

• Explain why. A brief explanation often results in better compliance rather than stubborn or confused defiance. Remember, you are teaching. Just keep it short, to the point and be firm.
• Follow your own rules. It won’t work if you pull up your child for swearing and then swear at the dog for digging up the garden. The best way to teach is by example.
• Make a point of noticing and rewarding your child for periods of good behavior and for doing as they are asked. Praise and affection are great ways to do this. Stickers, treats or extra privileges could also be used.
• Be consistent. Even if you are tired and fed up. keep to your rules. Very occasionally you may like to bend the rules a little if you think it will reward the children for good behavior, like dinner in front of the TV or staying up to watch a video.
• Always admit when you have made a mistake. You may have disciplined your child for something they didn’t do, or taken your anger out on your child, or made everyone late for school because you forgot to fill the car with petrol. Let your child see that you can admit when you are at fault.
• Child discipline should not be about an adult showing a child how tough or in charge they are.
• Child discipline should always be based on love and caring.

Plan Ahead

Adults often expect children to fit in with adult activities regardless of how hard that might be for the children. We resent our adult life being curtailed by these pint sized people.

This is fine in theory but often things like sitting still in a restaurant or being patient while the weekly shop is done are simply beyond a child to endure.

Change the way you do things. Shop when your children aren’t tired or hungry or bring snacks with you, or even better, leave them with a partner or someone else so you can shop in peace.

Teach your kids how to eat out by practicing in cafes and diners before you try a nice restaurant. Or just use a sitter until your kids are old enough to cope.

Visit Great Aunt Gladys when the kids aren’t tired. Bring loads of toys, activities and snacks AND keep it short.

What About Rules?

It's hard to imagine how to discipline without rules. Take time to think about what your family rules are.

Rules are different from guidelines. Guidelines are things like “hold onto the hand rail tightly”. Rules are things that cannot be broken without consequences, like “no biting”.

Rules generally apply to issues related to safety and keeping family harmony.

• Keep the number of rules to a minimum.
• Make sure the rules are clearly understood by everyone and are not beyond your child to keep to.

Your child may challenge the rules from time to time. Take this seriously and reassess your rules to make sure your child hasn’t outgrown them.

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