Child Discipline - Learn about child behavior and improve your family sanity!
It’s a commonly held belief that child discipline is something that happens when a parent is fed up and can’t take anymore of whatever it is that their child is doing. It’s that loud, angry and often painful response that results in a crying or cowering child and a parent who feels guilty and wrung out. Even if this isn’t how you personally use child discipline, if never hurts to learn a little about why children behave the way they do and how our own behavior has an enormous impact on our children.
What is “Discipline”?Stop and think about the word “discipline” for a minute.It comes from the same root word as “disciple”. If you think of child discipline as something based on learning, being taught, or receiving guidance then you can see that it is a shared thing between you and your child. It needs to be used all the time in a consistent manner and not just as a release valve for your own anger. It may seem perfectly obvious to us that running straight into a friend’s house, tearing down the hallway sending rugs and pets flying, and then jumping up and down on their fantastic spongy lounge all without even saying “hello”, is not an acceptable way to behave. It isn’t obvious to kids. Children need to be shown how to control themselves. They need to be shown what the responsible behavior is. It doesn’t come instinctively. Consistent boundaries and positive discipline gives children the skills to fit in with society. They feel contented, happy and secure. A great side effect of this is that it also results in a less stressed parent. Why Do Children Misbehave?It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing your child is playing up just to make you mad.They keep whining, kicking the ball inside, hitting their little sister, or throwing themselves on the floor screaming at the top of their lungs. It’s easy to get the feeling that children control your life. You need a new perspective. Here is an overview of what drives child behavior. Child Discipline and What to Do
Good advice says that effective child discipline should be consistent and firm.
• Be clear about what you expect • Plan ahead to avoid unnecessary conflict • Set rules • Follow through • Don’t jump on every little thing
Of course there’s more to it than that!
What about smacking…?Is smacking part of your child discipline tool kit? Does it work or just make you feel better?Is it a short, sharp slap to get their attention or something more?
Read more about smacking here…
See What Parents Just Like You Have to Say About Child DisciplineFrom a Mother of 4 Girls“My answer to discipline is to be fair but consistent. Never, ever threaten to take something away and not do it or you are in big trouble. You must follow through and if that means your child misses out on birthday parties, dance, etc then so be it. Once they realize the consequence for the action it is rarely repeated.This reminds me of a funny story (about the girls giving up their dummies). We have a rule that when you go for at least 1 week without a dummy you get to choose your own toy to a value at the toy shop. This worked well with all the girls and when we did this for Carla*, a severe thumb sucker, she chose a video. We had tried every foul tasting liquid, nail deterrent, etc, on the market, but this was one severe thumb sucker. The video worked and we were all happy until she had her tonsils removed 6 months later. You guessed it, the thumb returned. Again we did the whole video bribe and she stopped. A few months later she saw a video she wanted and asked “If I start sucking my thumb again and then stop, will you buy it for me?” The answer was a very quick “If you start sucking your thumb again then I will be taking away your toys and you will be earning them back!” “Oh...., “was her reply and we never had to talk about it again!!” From Nerida, mother of Sarah* 5.“I’ve noticed with my daughter’s behavior that if I’m feeling sick, or cross, or just generally having a bad day, then she is unbelievable. When I’m in a good mood and really “with it” little things don’t bother me, I can jolly her out of whining, and everything goes pretty well. I know that when I’m crabby I jump on every little irritating thing she does, there is a lot more yelling and she plays up more and more. If I find myself yelling a lot, I stop and think about what is really going on. Sometimes we need time out from each other to just cool down and try again. Sometimes when I realize I’m causing most of the friction I’ll either be honest about not feeling well and apologize or try to turn it into a joke by asking which one of us is the crankiest. This usually ends up as a face pulling competition. Once we are laughing we can both try to improve our behavior. “*Names have been changed at parent’s request Return from Child Discipline to Parenting Advice
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